Matt Zoller Seitz, at the peak of his powers reviewing Fountain of Youth:

It is the “Citizen Kane” of second-screen entertainment. Every frame rewards inattention.

And:

It’s packed with the kind of “dialogue” that David Mamet once described as “here we go to the bottom of the staircase that we’re trying to get to the bottom of.”

And:

James Herbert edited the movie, perhaps with the mix of deep annoyance and honor-bound diligence of a lifeguard doing CPR on someone who dove into a pool fully clothed and drunk.

And finally:

The goal isn’t to get you to lean in and become fascinated, but to stay just involved enough that you don’t close the app. You know how stuff on streaming platforms auto-plays on your the second screen after you’ve dozed off? They count it as having been “watched.” It’s a scam that would be bitterly amusing if it weren’t contributing to the degradation of what use to be entertainment. Perhaps eventually, digital technology will bring things full circle, and load up Apple with plagiarized LLM and Gen AI prompt-slop that no person actually made, to be not-watched by sleeping audiences all over the world.